To most people the 4th of July is a day of sunshine and fun that ends in a dynamic and exciting display of fireworks.
But what if all day you were dreading the fireworks display? With uncertainty about how you would react to the loud noises and flashing lights that will end the night?
As a clinician working with veterans diagnosed with PTSD, I have been privileged enough to have people share with me their experiences and fears about this holiday as I was interviewing for this article. Here are some points that may help others understand and have compassion for those who many struggle on this holiday.
- The bright lights and loud noises of the fireworks are a potential trigger to flashbacks. This is not just the fireworks at the end of the night but also the smaller fireworks and noise makers set off by celebrators at unexpected times. “Fireworks are reminders of I.E.D (improvised explosive devices) and witnessing the bombardment of cities” one veteran shared.
- It is isolating to be the only person who “sees the fireworks as scary when no one else is scared. All day I worry about how I am going to react. Will I have a flashback?” Another veteran added “I just want to spend time with my friends and family on the 4th. I am embarrassed to be scared by the fireworks that everyone else loves.”
- The contrast between the holiday remembered as a child filled with “fantasy and wonder of fireworks” with the new “changed view after war. No more fun, no more celebration, just fear and anger.”
What coping skills may work on the 4th?
- Limit alcohol consumption. “All of my buddies drink all day. But I know I can’t. One or two beers is my limit if I am going to keep it together.”
- Staying indoors during the fireworks display. “I stay home with my therapy dog after dark on the 4th. Fireworks scare her too and we hang together.”
- Share your concern with someone you trust. Having a person with you who can offer a little support may help keep those struggling anchored in the moment.
- All of those breathing techniques, muscle relaxations, visualizations work on holidays too! Coming up with a coping plan ahead of time will help to “bust out” the skill if needed.
One of the most poignant things shared with me was “not feeling safe at home is worse than not feeling safe overseas.” Something for all of us to remember, everyday, who have veterans in our life either professionally or personally.
On a day when we are celebrating our freedom please be aware of struggles other many be having. Happy safe 4th of July!
Great resource: Veterans Crisis line 1.800.273.8255 anytime. There is also a confidential text or chat available at veteranscrisisline.net which also includes help for active military and family/friends.
Kelly Burris is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. Please visit calicounseling.com for more information.